Officers

[the following biography may be slightly fictionalized]

Danny, as he is now known, was the founder of a short lived but influential abstract art form known as the Bowel Movement. After a particularly disappointing showcase at the Guggenheim quickly deteriorated into a drunken hostage situation, he fled from his former life to become a chorus line dancer for the traveling burlesque show "Rectal Nites." While touring the Bay Area in 1987 he broke with the group after the stage manager refused to contribute to his $300 a day barium enema addiction. After a rough period in his life where he was reduced to selling his own fingers as souvenirs, he checked into rehab and decided to turn his life around. He changed his name from Crotch McFister to the innocuous Danny Tom and applied to UC Berkeley under the work release program.

After 13 arduous years at that fine institution, including a couple spent rising up the ranks of the notorious organization known only as, TBP, Danny sought refuge from his personal demons (and funds for his ever growing addictions) in the working world. Using his shadowy connections to the Engineering Underworld, he was able to blackmail the Human Resources Manager at Inktomi into giving him a high-ranking position that would allow him to surf the web all day and manage his black market investments. There he stays, in his darkened office, his face lit by the glow of the computer monitor, the boxes of barium stacked in the corner.

[the following biography may be moderately embellished]

An amnesiac is rescued in the Bay by the Berkeley Yacht Club. Nearly dead, he carries nothing but the bullets in his back and the bank account number embedded in his hip. Although completely without identity or background, he possesses an array of extraordinary talents in fighting, linguistics and self-defense, which speak of a dangerous past. A Wells Fargo safe deposit box yields an assortment of passports, a hefty load of cash, an automatic weapon and a name, Bernie Lin. He quickly realizes that although he knows no one, there are people who recognize him and do not wish him well. He decides to infiltrate the local university campus, where terrorists disguised as college professors attempt to exterminate him at every turn. In his efforts to stay alive, Bernie joins Tau Beta Pi, a reputable honor society that serves as a cover for a renegade faction of students who are aware of the terrorist infiltration on the Campus.

After four arduous years of ferreting out the terrorists, TBP is no better off than before. Bernie decides to leave the school and enlist help at the neighboring institution, Stanford. There he finds that the problem is even worse, all of the campus is over run by terrorists whose goal is to destroy the integrity and character of the country by spoon feeding the future leaders of America. He decides to expand the activities of TBP in order to counter this threat. You can sometimes see evidence that Bernie Lin exists through the activities of the TBP around the Bay Area.

[the following biography may be somewhat false]

Joe appears to be a normal human being. And in fact, he once was.

Years ago, Joe lived an ordinary quiet life of a engineering college student at the University of California, Berkeley, until one day, in the depths of Cory Hall, an decidedly odd computing accident caused one of the computers to divide by zero successfully. This caused the very fabric of reality to begin to tear. Joe quickly pulled the plug on this abomination to mathematics, but not before the rift caught hold of him. The terrible energies caused a molecular transfusion of the silicon in the machine and the carbon in Joe's body.

Joe awoke hours later with the power to process incredible amounts of information and store terabytes of data. This new found prowess had a cost however, Joe had to consume silicon to survive and in doing so, slowly transformed more and more of his body to machine. Determined to find a use for these powers he joined Tau Beta Pi. On the surface it was a typical honor society, but with his computing insight, Joe able to determine the extraordinary true nature of this often maligned group. Joe now lends his talents to aiding the endeavors of TBP as he completes his metamorphosis into a new being.

[the following biography contains gross inaccuracies]

Capt. Gregory Chew, Commander of the S.S. Drake, will be born in the year 2356, in the city-state of Singapore. Sometime before his 20th birthday he will be specially selected, due in no small part to his exemplary combat record and formidable psionic talents, to ascertain the threat of Species X-101076-B5, located in the Halo Nebula. On his way there he will encounter a temporal anomaly which will propel him and his ship centuries into the past.

In his crippled ship, Greg decided to set course for Earth and ordered his remaining crew into cryogenic stasis. It was a long journey at sub-light speeds and all but Greg perished. By some miracle, Greg's lifepod was blown clear of the derelict spacecraft when the United States' Classified Star Wars Satellites targeted and destroyed it. When Greg awoke, he found he could no longer remember his past (or the future). There, on the shores of California, he decided to do the only thing he could remember enjoying, watching movies. As it so happened, the first movie that he saw was The Graduate, after which he decided to enroll in UC Berkeley. Friendless, he decided be with others of his kind and majored in Engineering. As way leads on to way, Greg became involved in Tau Beta Pi and remains a loyal officer to this day. You can often find him in a darkened theater trying to piece together the fragments of his former life, muttering about returning to his homeland of Singapore.

[the following biography is really far fetched]

Yu-Han, as he is known by mortals on this plane of existence, began his life as a peasant in rural China sometime during the Tang Dynasty. After causing a freak tea accident in which his provincial town was burned to the ground and all the inhabitants killed, Yu-Han was left to wander the vast lands of what is currently China, homeless. Eventually he fell in with a group of Shaolin monks who took pity on him and taught him their ways. He became close friends with one of them, Xuan Zang, and the two we inseperable for years. One year, as is well known, Xuan Zang, began his Journey to the West; Yu-Han, with little left to keep him at the temple departed that same year on his own quest.

Little is known of Yu-Han's quest except that early on, he stumbled upon a ancient artifact that allowed him to slow his aging tremendously. Though the artifact granted its owner great power, it demanded a heavy toil also. Yu-Han slowly became obsessed with it and, paranoid that others coveted it, he hid himself in the Mountains of Nepal for centuries until he was able to master these mystical influences on him. When he was finally able to re-enter society, everything was foreign to him. He decided to gain a formal education and using the artifact, was able to gain admission to UC Irvine and later UC Berkeley. There, he used his arcane powers to gain control of Tau Beta Pi and bend it to his will. Occasionally you can find him among his unsuspecting minions, the shadowy puppet master behind the throne.

[the following biography is absolutely ridiculous]

Tony's origins are shrouded in mystery. His uncanny knowledge of the true histories of the members of Tau Beta Pi suggest that he has access to knowledge about the distant past as well as the future. When pressed on this matter however, he simply laughs and says, "These stories are just filler material." Indeed. Do not be lead astray dear reader. Though these tales of origin may be beyond belief, there is a truth therein not to be missed. There are those among you possessing of incredible powers. There are sides of good and evil. There is a future of tragedy and betrayal, of glory and redemption. You may be forced to choose, one day, which it shall be for you. Prepare, the apocalypse draws near.